I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Drake has all the answers
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
