dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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