Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Randomize
