Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
