this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
