I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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