Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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