One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize