My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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