My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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