Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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