You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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