lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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