i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
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how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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