If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i would one night stand the shit outta him
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
