his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
