Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
