then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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