Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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