life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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