shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize