i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
