There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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