Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Pooping to opera.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
