I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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