WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
