you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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