Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
