I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
