I hate all girls vehemently.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
