don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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