Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Green mimosas i think yes
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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