operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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