Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
