Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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