I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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