Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
