I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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