so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
