He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
