It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her