Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
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Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
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We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.