it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".