Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
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I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
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I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner