i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful