I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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