We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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