Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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