...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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