Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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