Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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