Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
this will be a night to untag.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
