I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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