I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Sober January is a disaster.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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