Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
