I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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