You work out of a Hotel?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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