she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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