If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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