He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
