I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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