Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
