sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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